When you forgive, you heal. And when you let go you grow – Unknown.
My Dad and I on my convocation.
I guess that’s the only picture I have of myself and dad, (apologise for the poor quality) it was my convocation, He didn’t look too well, He was drenched in sweat, I didn’t pay too much attention to it, I just assumed it was because of the scotching sun. 8 days later, on the 23rd of December 2010, He died. It was such a painful exit, I didn’t think God would take him so soon. I just assumed he would be around for a long time considering the fact that we just met.
I was barely 2 years old when my dad and mom separated, I grew up not knowing who my dad was. Even though we didn’t feel his physical absence, we knew something was definitely missing, but off course that didn’t matter, because God blessed us with an amazing mother who doubled as our Father, and she also had wonderful brothers who played fatherly figure from time to time.
Myself, Dad and Sister.
Even though my mom never said anything bad about my dad, I personal was angry with him, I felt he wronged my mom, I became very bitter with him, I blamed him for some of my childhood experiences. I felt if he was around maybe I wouldn’t have been abused as a child, or abuse myself as a teenager.I felt he made us go through really tough times, days when we didn’t know how the next meal will come.
I didn’t want to have anything to do with him, I didn’t want any form of association, not even with his state of origin, whenever I was filling a form, I would rather put my mom state of origin as mine, my mom will fight us and insist we were not bastards, and though things got a little messy with their marriage, my dad was a good man and we shouldn’t fight for her by holding grudges against our dad. I just couldn’t deal……(why does she still defend him)
My Dad and Mom
During one of my quiet time, after I had given my life to Christ and surrendered everything to him, my past, present and future. The following conversation ensued
HS: why are you finding it very difficult to forgive your father? Why are you letting him have so much hold over you? If you should be angry with anyone it’s should be God.
ME: you know that’s not possible!
ME: He’s God now!
HS: Well he’s your Father too, that guy you are angry with is just your care taker. Whether he was present or not, God had your life planned out before you were formed, He knew your earthly father would be absent, He knew everything that would happen to you, because He has a Purpose for it. So if you need to be angry with anyone it should be him.
ME: I got the message immediately, there was no need for further explanation, but then I asked “If God is my father why don’t I have his name as my last name?”
H.S: Off course you do, you are the one that as chosen not to use it
ME: So my name is Omolara God
HE: Yes! (For those that know me and still call me Lara God, that was how I came about that name)
That was what settled it for me. And that was the beginning of the best day of my life, because it was after this conversation, that God started to reveal my purpose to me. And when he saw that I had truly forgiven my father that he gave me the opportunity to meet him. He told me to go and Find him. (I guess that’s a story for another day).
I me’t my dad, for the first time in my life, January 2008, this was after 3 years from the first time I went in search of him. And he was around for barely 2 years.
Yes I know it’s easier said than done, but once we begin to see it from God’s perspective Forgiving becomes really easy, His perspective would change the way we see things and rather than holding on to the things or people that hurt us or cause us pain, we are searching for the purpose in that Pain, and how God wants to use it for his glory.
“Like an Opened Book, You watched me grow from Conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you. The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139.”
Got any forgiveness story? or still struggling with forgiveness? drop your comment below or send me a direct message would love to read from you.