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Letting Go; What You Don’t Forgive You Become!

Letting Go; What You Don’t Forgive You Become!

Unfiltered

When you forgive, you heal. And when you let go you grow – Unknown.

My Dad and I on my convocation.

I guess that’s the only picture I have of myself and dad, (apologise for the poor quality)  it was my convocation, He didn’t look too well, He was drenched in sweat, I didn’t pay too much attention to it,  I just assumed it was because of the scotching sun. 8 days later, on the 23rd of December 2010, He died. It was such a painful exit, I didn’t think God would take him so soon. I just assumed he would be around for a long time considering the fact that we just met.

I was barely 2 years old when my dad and mom separated, I grew up not knowing who my dad was. Even though we didn’t feel his physical absence, we knew something was definitely missing, but off course that didn’t matter, because God blessed us with an amazing mother who doubled as our Father, and she also had wonderful brothers who played fatherly figure from time to time.

Myself, Dad and Sister.

Even though my mom never said anything bad about my dad, I personal was angry with him, I felt he wronged my mom, I became very bitter with him, I blamed him for some of my childhood experiences. I felt if he was around maybe I wouldn’t have been abused as a child, or abuse myself as a teenager.I felt he made us go through really tough times, days when we didn’t know how the next meal will come.

 I didn’t want to have anything to do with him, I didn’t want any form of association, not even with his state of origin, whenever I was filling a form, I would rather put my mom state of origin as mine, my mom will fight us and insist we were not bastards, and though things got a little messy with their marriage, my dad was a good man and we shouldn’t fight for her by holding grudges against our dad. I just couldn’t deal……(why does she still defend him)

  My Dad and Mom

During one of my quiet time, after I had given my life to Christ and surrendered everything to him, my past, present and future. The following conversation ensued

HS: why are you finding it very difficult to forgive your father? Why are you letting him have so much hold over you? If you should be angry with anyone it’s should be God.

ME: you know that’s not possible!

HS: why?

ME: He’s God now!

HS: Well he’s your Father too, that guy you are angry with is just your care taker. Whether he was present or not, God had your life planned out before you were formed, He knew your earthly father would be absent, He knew everything that would happen to you, because He has a Purpose for it. So if you need to be angry with anyone it should be him.

ME: I got the message immediately, there was no need for further explanation, but then I asked “If God is my father why don’t I have his name as my last name?”

H.S: Off course you do, you are the one that as chosen not to use it

ME: So my name is Omolara God

HE: Yes! (For those that know me and still call me Lara God, that was how I came about that name)

That was what settled it for me. And that was the beginning of the best day of my life, because it was after this conversation, that God started to reveal my purpose to me. And when he saw that I had truly forgiven my father that he gave me the opportunity to meet him. He told me to go and Find him. (I guess that’s a story for another day).

I me’t my dad, for the first time in my life, January 2008, this was after 3 years from the first time I went in search of him. And he was around for barely 2 years.

Yes I know it’s easier said than done, but once we begin to see it from God’s perspective Forgiving becomes really easy, His perspective would change the way we see things and rather than holding on to the things or people that hurt us or cause us pain, we are searching for the purpose in that Pain, and how God wants to use it for his glory.

“Like an Opened Book, You watched me grow from Conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you. The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139.”

Got any forgiveness story? or still struggling with forgiveness? drop your comment below or send me a direct message would love to read from you.

LT

18 Comments

  1. Koye
    January 2, 2017 at 7:41 am

    This was very ‘deep’, and touching to read. Thank you for sharing.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 2, 2017 at 8:19 am

      Thank you Koye.

  2. Fifi
    January 2, 2017 at 10:13 am

    Your life is an amazing and inspiring testimony.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 2, 2017 at 10:37 am

      Thank you so much…

  3. Extyyeni
    January 2, 2017 at 10:48 am

    Am amazing story darlyn…. Got a few stories I Wil like to share….on forgiveness, on fear and on abuse…. Wil get in touch with u

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 2, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      Whaooo….. would love to hear from you. Please do send your story. Thank you for stopping by.

  4. Smoks
    January 2, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Thanks for sharing Lara. One day… we will have a long talk on forgiveness and letting go:) Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry similar stories by the way.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 2, 2017 at 10:37 pm

      Oh! looking forward to it already 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽.

  5. Ike
    January 4, 2017 at 11:18 am

    I am waiting for the part two jor. I really want to know how the search for him went, i.e from start to finish. Anxiously waiting……. This is great by the way, and quite sad you did not get to know him for long…I shudder at the thought of not watching my daughters grow to maturity….

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 4, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      Awwww…I will consider the part two just because of you ooo.

  6. Olamide
    January 5, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Very touching piece as I eventually forgave my father after he died. Very similar story to yours but I’m grateful to God for helping me let go.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      January 6, 2017 at 7:29 am

      whaoo… Thank God you were able to let go.

  7. Grace Okafor
    February 2, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Similar story with mine, met my biological dad for the very first time when I was 14, Infact mum and I bumped into him. We spoke for like 30 minutes and left. Next day I went to school (boarding house) when I got back by the end of the term he was dead. Luckily I’d always had a dad in my maternal uncle who took me in when I was 3, best dad ever.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      February 3, 2017 at 4:46 am

      oh whaooo… We thank God for those Uncles that stood in the Gap. 👏👏

  8. Ekere Blessing
    February 3, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    O! Lara, this true life story is so touching, didn’t know you went tru so much. Indeed you are a strong woman. God bless you for letting go. I respect u 100%. Stay real.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      February 5, 2017 at 10:52 pm

      Thank you so much Blessing…Na God ooo!

  9. Olufemi Idowu
    February 18, 2017 at 8:39 pm

    Omolara, not sure if you could remember me again cos we weren’t really friends. Idowu Olufemi is my name (Olaolu Dosunmu’s friend). Your story is really touching but at the end am really happy with the progress you have made over the years. I hope to see you someday at the top. Cheers dearie.

    • LaraTESHOLA
      February 19, 2017 at 11:14 am

      Hi femi, not sure I can remember you though, maybe if I see a picture I would… Thank you for reaching out really Appreciate. And oh yes we sure see someday at the top.

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